The tool of SATAN

I am portly.

I am greasy haired.

Sometimes I fear I may sweat gravy.

But the thing that bugs my most is my affliction of constantly black undereyes, which make me look like either I've been punched repeatedly or I'm a chronic insomniac.

So WHY is it that when I buy something ridiculously expensive in order to fix this rather minor problem, it causes me to break out in what I can only describe as scabies?

WHY IS THIS?

I hate my life.

Chesticles.

I knew fine well I couldn't be bothered to do another one of these, but this list has been forming in my head for a few days and I want to write it down.

5 Sucky things about comically oversized bangers

1. Yur toes could have shrivveled up and died for all yu know
2. The only bras yu can buy are either hidoeous or a small fortune
3. If yu sleep on yur stomach yur fucked
4. They're not nearly as good as the small-breasted reckon
5. Skipping is an extreme sport, rather than passtime of little girls.

HOWEVER

5 Great things about comically oversized bangers.

1. Yu never get ID'd. EVER.
2. Yu have a handy little shelf for dropped food. Eating popcorn is an experience in itself
3. It doesn't matter what yu wear as long as it's tight
4. People find it difficult to enter yur personal space, as yu have two orblike forcefields protecting yu.
5. Whatever stupid celebrity is on TV showing off their ludicrous boob job, yu can be all smug knowing yu got yurs free.

*insert clever title here*

Let's make a list! My top ten films. Just to annoy Lauren =P

1) The Shining

2) Paranormal Activities

3) Pirates of the Carribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

4) Once Upon a Time in Mexico

5) Se7en

6) The Rocky Horror Picture Show

7) The Nightmare Before Christmas (My cousin and I used to watch this at least once a day beetween the ages of 5 and 9, that was before the emos STOLE IT AND CLAIMED IT FOR THEIR OWN.

8) The Fellowship of the Ring

9) Silence of the Lambs

10) Pretty Woman (I'm allowed one guilty pleasure...)

Really, Really White n' Nerdy

Absolute ZERO on the ideas front today like.

I can't be arsed to do this every day like Lauren, every time I turn my computer on it's like a bloody "Inform, Explain or Describe" exam.


Anyhoo, I think I'm a nerd.


I love the (ORIGINAL) Star Wars, am halfway through The Fellowship of the Ring (one of the greatest books ever), kick ass on Assasins Creed and have a million points on Super Mario Brothers.


Speaking of massively succesful video game franchises, Lara Croft = one of my favourite people, which is quite an acheivement, considering she's made of pixels.

Don't believe stupid women who reckon she's demeaning, there's no reason a girl with huge jugs can't still be a badass.

A Confession

Better do this pretty regularly, or else I'll forget the website.

And since I haven't done anything in nearly a week I'll stick to writing random facts about myself.



Lesson 4, Music


I have the same taste in music as many an old wrinkly ex-biker.


It's partly 'cause, yu know, METALLICA RULE *makes devil horns*, but I also adore the whole macho "I could rip a man's arms off" vibe the fellas of that era give off.


I also thought I'd put the picture of James Hetfield on the right this time. Just to shake things up. I'm cool like that.









Back on the left, phew. We mustn't rock the boat too much.
If anyone doesn't know who this <<<<< fella is, first things first, SHAME ON YU, and secondly, it's Perttu Kivilaakso, cello metal extraordinaire. I love him lots, but not as much as I would love the giant pile of Mike 'N' Ikes he's sitting in. Not in a pervy way, just I haven't had a Mike 'N' Ike since the last time I went into Barry's Bargains, and I'm not going back any time soon.

P.S. I was monumentally bored yesterday and spent about ten minutes just pressing 'next blog'. What came up was a load of pretentious crap, if everyone just spent a few minutes a day writing trivia about themselves for their favourite redhead the world would be a lot more FREEEEEEE.

Back by Popular Demand (Lauren's)

This, is, erm, me.

Picture is a bit blurry, I've got a dodgy thing going on with my fringe, and it's a TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE angle, but it's the only picture I can find where I'm smiling without looking like The Joker.

Actually, I wish I did look like The Joker...

Nevermind.

Today's been fun, I suppose. Starting to get a bit of cabin fever, the week off was a nice bonus, but it turns out I miss people. Not even specific people, just PEOPLE. I've already finished two Tomb Raiders in the holidays, and it was suggested I change my name to Hollie The Magnificent when it comes to Super Mario. Dear God, I might have to actually do something constructive.

Hoohoo, two posts in as many days.

Figured out how to do pictures n'all, go team ME!

Speaking of the lovely Marylin and her fancy pants size 16 self, I had a converstation recently that annoyed me.

I was trying to squeeze through a gap that a slender person I know had done easily seconds before, when I discovered my ass wouldn't allow it. I retreated, pointing out,

"I'm not nearly skinny enough for that"

The person I was with then said,

"That's not a very nice thing to say about yourself!"

Well, erm, WHY? The last time I checked you could be non-skinny and still be attractive.

So bugger off twiglets!